Alone and thoughtfull

Hard work.. That is the thing that forge a man into what he is going to become.
Trained in the skills of battle.. Trained to become the ultimate warrior.. We spent countless hours on learning the basics of the Sword, Lance and Hammers to be prepared for the first battle.
No one is a master of the blade the first time he enters the arena. Neither is he a champion going to war. He is just another soldier fearing the oncoming onslaught.
I was never taught to fight as a noble.. Neither as a pure paladin. Trough the years i fought to survive learning every cheap trick in the book to beat my opponents down.
Everything needs to be taken into consideration. Footing for an example.. Aswell as taking advantage of the sun so the opponent had it straight into their eyes disturbing their vision.
Tactics to survive.. The use of throwing daggers aswell as hands and feets in a battle gives valuable choices when you try to surprise the opponent.

The skill to survive in the direst of situations is valuable.. There is no rules on the battlefield.. Only carnage and men and women fighting for their lives. I spent my share on the battlefield seeing countless friends and comrades fall in battle. To hold a dying friend in your arms feels almost worse than visting the gates of hell. Just saying a few last words before they take their last breath is something i consider a favor. For them.. And for their families that i used to write letters to.

Now when i think back on it.. I realise what i have lost and what i have gained.
But that doesn’t matter now.. I don’t care at all right now, there is so much things going on.. Some of them being of great injustice. People are fighting for their cause.. And i fight for mine. Some fight for their friends.. Others for fame and conquering their foes. Some just bide their time.. Waiting for the right moment to strike.

Only thing we can rely upon is ourselves. Being a former slave taught me that.. But that didn’t matter now either.. I have been on the lowest of what a being can be.. Only to rise and evolve into something stronger. To never give up and always fight for what you believe in.

I can feel it while training.. When my muscles is strained beyond imagination.. When i just want to give up.. I just push myself further. When wounded i carry on, when cornered i find a way to get out from it.. When betrayed i do the thing i think fits the situation the most.

I once relied on friendship.. It’s still there but not as much as i wish for.. The only thing i feel i can trust at the moment.. Is the weapon and armour im wielding.. Forged by my own hands.
Yes.. The flames of the furnace calms my spirit. When the hammer is inprinting it’s history into the red metall with every blow. The sacred words mentioned blessing every single touch made by the hammer. Sometimes.. The weight of that hammer weighted more than a womans touch. Always there waiting for me.. Always prepared for the task. And most of all never betraying me. Some people say that they put their soul in their work.. Just as a body without a soul is just a mere empty shell i consider the heart also being a part of it. Without soul there can be no heart.. Without the heart a object no matter what it is.. Looses it value and is just another piece that waits to be burried and forgotten.

Right now i just feel like a object.. Still having a purpose to exist.. But still merely a tool.. Called for when needed, and thrown away when the task is done.. I do stand tall tough..
I keep struggling.. Keeping myself alive for others sake.. And simple minded.. It might just just be what i need at the moment.. To exist for others.. Not myself, until the path hidden by the clouds is revealed for me..

(( im lost for words Helf....truly lovely))

I always liked to watch the sunset.. Watching as the last sunrays disappears. The end of the horizon mixing in red and yellow colour.. Sometimes it feels like you could almost reach out and touch it. Holding my hand up i can feel the cold whispering wind caressing my fingers.. The wind.. Is something that you can’t catch.. It’s always been like that.. Sometimes you just want to be the wind itself.. Roaming the endless skies, a freedom i just can’t obtain..

As i slowly turn around to walk back to the battlefield i stop.. Just suddenly being more aware of my surroundings.. Closing my eyes whispering a name into the wind.. Yes the name of a person i loved.. The memory of her still not fading away, the memory of our days still burning inside my heart.

Suddenly the armour feels heavy.. And i fall down on my knees cursing the gods.. But it was still just in vain.. The god’s didn’t listen to my prayers when i needed them.. So i doubt they will listen now.

Trying to think of the future.. It seems i still look backwards at the past.. Now when i think on it.. I still remember a special girl. Our moments together where just brief.. But still as wonderful as they could be. The sight of her clouds my vision for a while.. Still remember her long black hair.. Still remembering the touch of her lips as we kissed for the final and last time.

She disappeared for a while only to turn up years later.. And somehow i still feel deep inside that our fates is still deeply twisted around each other.. But who know’s im probably wrong.
Or maybe it’s true.. I can just wait and see.

Hours later..

The mass of soldiers moving together as one.. is all i can concentrate on at the moment.. And that our force is scattered over the field.. The alarming sound of fighting men making it impossible to hear anything at all except the screams of the wounded.. I fall down on one knee.. Digging my hand into the mud.. Thinking on that the rich soil covering the entire battlefield where once a farmers land.. Giving life to the people living there.. Now it was just a field of death.. That would soon be covered by blood, our blood. I looked at the sturdy squad of men around me.. All prepared for the same thing.. Altough i could almost smell their fear.
I notice that my hands are trembling heavily as i try to lift the claymore.. The arms that once swinged it with great speed where now loosing their strength to hunger and fatigue.. I could care less i suppose.

Shaking my head i advanced towards the oncoming force.. Whispering her name one last time before joining the fray.

Battles does feel sometimes like they are meaningless.. Looking down on my bloodcovered sword in my shaking hands makes me feel awkward.. Just a few minutes ago it was used to cut down soldiers.. Both men and women, people with families and children died by my hand today.. Fighting for a different cause.. Or a cause not their own.
The battle had been bloody and swift.. And ruthless.. Last thing i remember was the eyes of the people i killed.. I could see the fear in their eyes.. And their cries in vain as their life quickly left their bodies as my swing hit home.. But i suppose that’s life aren’t we all living a life.. dancing on the edge of death? One single wrong step and you could fall down.. One right step and you continued to live for a little longer.

I have a metallic taste in my mouth.. mostly made up by dried blood.. I think it’s not mine at least. My troath feels dry.. Dry from all the dust and earth that mixed with the air during the fight.
Kneeling down digging my hand into the soft mud below my feets.. It’s covered by blood.. But still this blood will spring new life.. In a few months or years.. Some said that a battlefield could be a good place growing crops.. The blood spilled nurturing the ground.. I kinda like that idea..

I have never seen the result myself tough.. Who knows.. One day i maybe visit this field once again.. Hopefully turned into something else that is not for killing.. Giving life instead of taking.
Somehow i just feel hollow inside.. The battle has ended for now.. The rage have settled.. And im getting slowly aware of what i have done. More people to add to the list i have killed.. More families i wanted to say sorry to.. But it’s something i just can’t be bothered with..
I wonder if someone else feels the same as i do.. If someone else is standing almost alone on the battlefield.. Thinking the same thoughts.. And when i think more on it.. It might be true.

Or maybe it’s just as some say.. Only in mirrors do heroes find their equal.
It might be some truth in it..

Inside the tent i just want to sleep.. Resting my head again’st the rough pillow before falling asleep.. And somewhere somehow.. It feels like i once again can look back upon how everything started.. A distant dream that isn’t mine but is still there..

The Dream..

Ilinia! The voice called out and the High Elf turned around to see who it was. At first she was annoyed being disturbed in her singing but her face quickly changed as she saw who it was.
The young human paladin smiled at her. I got a surprise for you he said and handed over a red rose. She let out a scream of happiness before moving closer her hips swaying as she moved closer.
Her green eyes focusing on his, a beautiful smile playing on her lips as she wrapped her arms around him and kissing him softly.
The man smiled back at her as the sun where slowly settling down in the horizon.. The green forest around them being completely quiet except for the sound of a nearby lake.
He kissed her softly, their figures meeting up in an passionate embrace. The man wrapped his arms around her one more time eyeing the surroundings.. Ilinia?..
Yes? I got something else i want to ask you.. he said. She looked at the man suddenly more aware what was going on around her..
The cold air against her skin giving her goosebumps except for the spots he had touched her. And somehow she knew what was coming. Ilinia.. do you want to marry me? He asked and she bursted into tears kissing him passionetly before whispering silently into his ear. Of course i want to Mikael.. She smiled at him as her feelings almost overwhelmed her making her faint. The man pulled her closer and brushed his nose against hers..
I got something to tell you aswell she whispered. What is it love? He asked. Im pregnant she whispered back and smiled at him. The man looked at her in surprise before letting out a laugther.. We are? Don’t tell me that we are going to have a child? He smiled brightly kissing her lips. That’s just wonderful. Let’s look forward to the moment when our child is born he said softly.
Yes let’s look forward to that wonderful moment she said. But you must be quite aware that this is still most unwanted by the elders.. Im aware.. He said. And to be honest i don’t really care either, this is about you and me and no one else is going to ruin it okay? Okay.. She smiled and gave him another kiss. Let’s hope for the best for him? Yes let’s hope the best for him

They both looked at the sunset before leaving the forest. As the night drawed closer they both settled down in the mans house swearing an oath to forever stay true to each other. They smiled at each other as they both vent to bed kissing each other softly him.. a Paladin of noble birth, her a High elf of age betraying her elders to be with the man she loved. Mikael?? Yes.. I love you.. And i love you. He reached out with his hand before putting out the nearby light and they both cuddled against each other in a last embrace for the night before falling asleep.

((More, more, im eager to find out what happens next!))

((I have some more coming up.. takes some time to write tough))

I tought that my past had stopped hunting me a long time ago.. I suppose i was wrong.. I slip out of the tents and decide to mix some tobacco together in a piece of paper.. I move closer to one nearly burnt out fire and just press it down slightly in the still warm coal to ignite it. It’s only me outside at the moment.. Except for the guards.. Just as i get back up again i see a sudden flash and react almost immideatly. Bringing up my wristguard slamming the hand holding the knife to the side before swiftly aiming a brutal kick at the enemys crotch.. As i see him bend over i get closer before slamming the armoured part of my palm right at the beginning of the mans nose.. Almost smiling satisfied as i hear his nose crack.. I aim another blow at exactly the same spot and then i watch as the man fall down on the ground.. Most likely dead.. I decide to draw my sword nailing the man to the ground twisting the blade slightly so im sure that even if he survived both the attacks to his face he would bleed to death.. His intestines ruined by the spiked blade.

I can hear the footsteps now from other soldiers getting out from their tents, Someone have sounded the alarm.. Someone have killed our commander.. And i realise that they weren’t after me.. The man that faced me probably never expected me to wake up.. He was just at the wrong spot at the wrong time.. Instead of going back to his quarters. Probably cheering together with his comrades he now faced death.. Oh great.. Now they attack aswell.
Without leadership i can see that our soldiers get’s scattered and when i hear the thundering sound of incoming cavalry i think it’s all going to end.. The heavily armoured cavalary punches trough the left flank like a hammer.. And i can see that people starts running.. I suppose i should get going aswell.. The man that paid me is now dead.. I got no reason to stay and die. I just fight myself out of the mass before cutting down a man from his horse quickly jumping up on the steed.. making my escape.

That was a few days ago.. And im not sure if i made the right decision.. Right now walking on a lonely road in the middle of nowhere.. The horse have been dead for a while.. But it served it’s purpose.. Both for traveling aswell as food for the night.. Altough im quite concerned.. I only have a little meat left.. And no water.. I reach down taking out a bottle drinking some of the horseblood still remaining in it.. It isn’t much but it gives me the strength to go on for a little further..

Just as im about to collapse i hear something that i heard alot before.. Back in the days.. And before i went to battle.. The sound of a lake, i rush towards the sound and find a small heaven.. A pool filled with fresh water aswell as trees bearing fruit.. I fall down on my knees drinking.. I never tought that water could taste so fantastic..

I suppose i should call this luck.. Or maybe it was fate.. I don’t know.. and to be honest i don’t care.. Im alive and that’s all that matters.

A few days after i manage to drag myself to a small seaside town.. I quickly reach for the harbor paying a boatsman to take me over the sea.. But not until dawn..

I suppose i should get myself shaped up.. I go to a nearby tavern and rent a room just for a few hours.. Then i decide to take a hot bath and shave myself..

The water feels wonderful.. And when i get up.. i feel like a new man..
There’s still two hours left until the boat leaves.. So i decide to take a walk around the town.. After a while i stop looking at a small whirlwind that decided to cross my path.. When i look at it i just think on what would happen if that whirlwind had feelings.. And how horrible it’s life would be.. Only existing for a few seconds.. Before passing away, the joy of life and death all shared in a brief moment.

I continue to walk until i find a house made of marble.. I approach it and presses my hand agains’t it.. Feeling the rough surface that for years have been attacked by weather and wind..
I decide to walk inside just to notice it’s filled with women.. Every single one is beautiful with soft red lips and blue eyes.. And when i look on their clothing i know exactly what they are..

The passion of the flesh strikes me.. Since i haven’t touched a woman for such a long time.. I decide to pay for their services.. Even tough knowing it’s not true love..
A little later i leave the house. And walk down to the harbor.. I can feel the wind blowing my hair backwards and the taste of salt.. And as i jump on the boat the warm feeling of the womans touch i paid for becomes a distant memory.. The only thing that mattered now was getting home..

((just a note.. If you have some constructive feedback feel free to write.. It pushes me on to write more ))

((wow - no criticism at all, im enjoying following this. I will seek you out when you are at rest and greet you so you may know me IC))

Copy and paste into Microsoft word to make sure all your spelling is correct.

((Not everyone has that software, I personally type it up in notepad, then copy / paste into an e-mail in yahoo, spell check then post up here.))