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 Past Regrets and Present Pains

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Eirdra
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Join date : 2011-01-15

PostSubject: Past Regrets and Present Pains   Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:24 pm

I couldn't help but drag my feet, I felt so stupid. It had been a really long night and my nerves were all frayed from carrying Ruvani to Dalaran and hoping she didn't die in my care! It's no wonder really that I behaved so rashly and made my actions appear childish and rude. All I want to do now is dig a big hole and hide in there. At least I got the yellow gem to Dianthaa I suppose. No harm done heh? He... awww damn it.

I slipped into Lora's place, hoping to get some alone time and not be judged. No such luck though. As soon as I place my foot through her door she is standing there as though she knew I was coming, with that smug grin on her face.

So what do I owe the pleasure this time?” she cooed.

“I just need to get away from, well 'them' for a few days”. There was no point lying to her, she read me like a book. Not something you're proud of when you're meant to be an assassin.

“Not going to plan? What did you expect? You're awful with authority figures and recklessly impulsive. Actually surprised you hadn't come crying to me earlier!” she jeered with a grin spread across her face.

“I'm not crying to you! Just shut up Lora.” I snapped back. I hadn't really meant to shout at her but I had no patience for her condescending comments today.

Lora's smile softened and over to her sofa gracefully before sitting down and patting the space beside her. I had no energy to fight her and allowed myself to slump into the sofa in a big heap.

In a huge pour of frustration I told her about how I had defied a superior and acted in a disgraceful fashion. I was careful not to disclose any details regarding the Master and the attack on Ruvani or the mysterious yellow gem I refused to give to Arli, but made it clear that I messed up. Big time. Lora nodded throughout my purge, her reassuring expression bordering on patronisation. I explained how I realised what I'd done a bit too late and had apologised to my Deathmaster.

“So,You haven't said sorry directly?” Lora asked, her eyes fixed steadily on mine. Once again her smile slid wider and her pale eyes flashed with amusement. “Right, so let me see if I've got this right. You disobeyed a, Deathmaster was it? Insulted him and you are too embarrassed and proud to say sorry to him?”

I could feel my face burning.

“Look I made a mistake, I've said sorry. OK not to his face but how am I supposed to do that when I still don't trust him? Oh, oh and you think I can just suck it in and carry on? No! I just can't, not with Sunblade!” The explosion of words burst out of me and found myself gasping for air in the aftermath. Lora's face brought my back down though. Her head was inclined slightly and a sad smile sat on her face.

Sunblade? As in Arli Sunblade? The one who the Guards were asking about? You know, I saw him in the inn the other night. I hadn't meant to over hear, but there he was chatting away. Eirdra...” Lora spoke softly and placed her delicate hand on my shoulder, “I couldn't help but notice he kind of resembles Kel.” Her eyes burrowed deep into mine, clearly searching for an emotional response. But I was not going to satisfy her.

“Don't be ridiculous Lora, he looks nothing like him. And anyway, why would it matter if he did?” My voice cracked without my permission, doing my best to stay cold and despondent.
“Eirdra, it's OK. It makes sense that you'd attack his Arli fellow whilst you're still grieving. It's easier to hold anger in your heart than deal with Kel's fate.” Her voice trailed off as her eyes drifted away from mine. Although I knew she was hurting inside her face remained a perfect picture of tranquillity. I hated how she could do that so easily.

“Your brother's death holds nothing over me.” The lie stuck in my throat but I'd had enough. I picked myself up and stormed out of Lora's apartment. It was a foolish idea coming to Lora for comfort and I wasn't going to do the same again for a very long time. I took care of myself for long enough and I can continue to do so now.

Once again I was fleeing from my oldest friend and once again I heard her call after me as I hastened my step. “You can't run forever Eirdra!”
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